I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
