Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
