Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
