Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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