You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
