If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
