The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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