you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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