Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
