im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
