He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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