Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
