Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
