i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
