If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
