I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
