he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
