That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
