You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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