dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just googled if crying burns calories
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
