Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
