It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
