Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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