God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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