I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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