Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
