I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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