I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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