There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
