dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
