A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
