Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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