i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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