we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
