I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
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