can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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