my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
