dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
