I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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