I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
