a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
