I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
