I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
