my phone needs a breathalizer
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's always time for handjobs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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