There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Never joke about your clitoris.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
