i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
