If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dignity is for republicans.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
