yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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