dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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