i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
