i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
