Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
