Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
