i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
