Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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