did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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