Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
