i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
