Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
